And it's sad, because he's convinced himself that he's in a relationship that he wants. He's sad, he's lonely, and he sees you as an opportunity for escape.So, how do you spot this guy right from the beginning?Of course, he springs it upon you ever so slyly, making you feel really special, making you feel unique.He'll say things like, "Wow, my wife just doesn't listen to me like you listen to me," or, "She just doesn't understand me.Well, he's usually the guy you meet who immediately wants to be your "friend." Yet, these men aren't just friends with women.
There’s the sense of rejection, loss, and even abandonment that can be activated by an affair.Be honest with you about what you’re trying to achieve. If you really do want to break up with him and you are sick of the situation, he shouldn’t be able to wheedle his way around you. Yes, you are breaking up because he can’t give you what you need, want and deserve, , you’re also breaking up with him because YOU are better than this. Yes you may be conditioned to think that the crumbs are enough for you, but the reality is that a healthy relationship with a man that is only with you and puts you at the centre of his life, feels far different to the flimsy ‘relationship’ that you’re in now. Think of the woman he’s with, the woman that you view as the person who is robbing you of the opportunity to be with your guy, as a human being with feelings and strengths and weaknesses just like you. Affairs and in fact, all dubious relationships rely on element of shame and secrecy and this compounds your dilemma.If this is about trying to influence or even force him into making a decision or at the very least, gameplaying, re-evaluate your motives and think about the bigger picture and whether is how you want to spend your time, because it’s a slippery slope to losing your dignity and no one is worth that. One of the strengths of the guy in this relationship is that he has the power to get around you. That and whatever you’re prepared to settle for is what you’re going to get. Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you were her in the same situation. When you stop seeing her as this inconvenient, pesky obstacle, in truly empathising, you will be able to feel compassion and also have self-compassion. Do you still want to be doing this in 3, 6, 9, 12 months or even in years? Instead of being in watching TV with your feet up waiting for his call, be out. If you think you’ll be tempted to be swayed, change your mobile phone or block his email address. You’d be surprised though – lots of people have been in your situation.After one date, though, I would beat myself up mentally for breaking my rule, and I’d avoid making second dates.In my 15 years of coaching, women have come to me over and over again with the same problem: falling for a married man. But we've only gone on a couple of innocent dates..." Then, the guy makes his move.